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What is anger, and how do you manage it?

March 27, 2024


People often express regret when they lose control and allow themselves to be overtaken by anger. Their surrender to this hard-to-manage emotion leads them to behave uncharacteristically. It leaves them picking up the pieces of ruined reputations, dealing with the residue of broken relationships, or struggling to forgive themselves for succumbing to a moment of anger.

Whether you flare up at the drop of a hat or reserve your anger for ''big things'', the result can be devastating. Regardless of the degree of anger you struggle with; there is guidance on the most productive ways to deal with anger.


Anger can be a by-product of other lingering emotions such as anxiety, envy, and deep disappointment. It can make us angry to see wrongdoers succeed while we struggle to make ends meet as we try to do the right thing. Perhaps your anger is borne out of continual disappointment at being overlooked for a job you feel you deserve. Whatever feeds your anger is potent enough to peak and eventually manifest as a full-blown rage. I have yet to meet someone who felt fulfilled after an angry fight.

The feedback is generally the same—regret, embarrassment, and anger. William Penn once wisely said, 'Watch against anger; neither speak of it nor act in it; for, like drunkenness, it makes a man a beast and throws people into desperate inconvenience. '


Most of us think of ourselves as having enough self-control to not respond in ways that cause us to lose our integrity, even under pressure. But giving in to anger is one way to quickly derail our stability or our ability to trust our judgement. Anger makes us vulnerable and exposes us.


Why do I get so angry?

Anger. Frustration. Irritation.

We all feel angry from time to time. Sometimes, it just explodes—at our kids, spouses, and co-workers—and we wonder if something dark lurks inside us. Anger does not have to run—or ruin—your life. Learning to manage anger correctly can give insight into areas where you're living short of your abilities, skills, potential, and talents.


You probably want to answer first: " ''why do I get so angry?''

The simple answer is: You get angry because you have hopes and dreams for yourself and your family, but all around you are threats to those dreams.

When you get angry at something happening to you, it's always because of something inside you. It signifies that one of your hopes and dreams is being threatened. 

We all have three specific hopes and dreams based on experience. We want:

1. Security (Physical, financial, emotionally)

2. Connection: (relationships, feeling valued and accepted)

3. Control: (feeling empowered to make choices and have options)

We get angry when we feel one of those there is being threatened.


When you start feeling that threat, your brain energy shifts away from your brain energy shifts away from your prefrontal cortex (the problem-solving part of your brain.). At that point, all rational and reasonable thoughts shut down and get thinking straight.

Watch this! Anger is not a sin. Anger is like a vacuum; it sucks the tenderness, gentleness, and honour out of every relationship. Moreover, anger is an emotion your creator designed and gave to you. Still, it is what you do with your anger that can negatively affect your spiritual, mental, and emotional health.

Anger is not a destructive emotion. Think about it: if you cannot feel anger towards evil, then it stands out to reason that you can't love what is good. Anytime, for instance, we think angry about social injustice. That is, right, constructive, purposeful things, but we must still handle anger appropriately.


Triggers of Anger:

One feels a host of other emotions before anger, and this can be a factor from upbringing, environment, or temperamental factors such as:



The feeling of being devalued.                   


Loss of a loved one



Hatred /Lies/Jealousy/Envy etc.


Lack of self-control, and many more.


Where do our buttons of anger come from? 

From lies written on our hearts. Examples of some messages written on our hearts:

You'll never amount to anything.                                            

You were a mistake.

Why can't you be more like your brother or Sister?           

You're just like your dad/mum.

If you had a brain, you'd be dangerous!                 

Your mom and I never planned on having you.

This is how Daddy shows his love. (Abuse)                                          

I'm leaving your mother /dad.                   

If I've told you once, I've said a thousand times!


We live daily with the fear that the messages written in our hearts may be accurate, translating directly into buttons. This is called the cycle of anger. Only when you recognise the cycle can you break out of it altogether. You can break out of this cycle by responding to the circumstances of your daily life.

Planted or watered over time, these emotions are like seeds that take root in our hearts and grow anger. Anger left unresolved produces a poison that ultimately kills and destroys everything in its path.

Every day, you experience many encounters or events that produce emotions. Anger often surfaces if you feel wronged, overlooked, or unfairly treated.

When unresolved anger is left, it festers inside you like an infection.


Negative Thoughts Before Outburst:

He thinks they are much better than me and I am nobody

 I deserve to have this opportunity more than them.

 I am trying, yet there is no result, and my friend moves faster than me.

Why are things not working well for me anytime I try my best?

The story has stayed the same; I have had the same result over time.


Learning how to deal with anger can be a challenging process. Still, it can be managed effectively with the right tools and support. Here are some tips that may help you handle your anger more healthily:


1. Identify and acknowledge your triggers: Identify what triggers your anger. Is it a particular situation, person, or feeling? Acknowledge your triggers and take steps to avoid or manage them healthily.


2. Practice relaxation techniques: Anger can cause physical tension in your body, so practising relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help you release that tension and calm your mind.


3. Take a break: Sometimes, the best way to deal with anger is to take a break from the situation or person causing it. Take a walk, listen to music, or engage in any activity that helps you relax and clear your mind.


4. Use assertive communication: Instead of lashing out in anger, try using assertive communication to express your feelings and needs clearly and respectfully. This can help you avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.


5. Seek support: If you're struggling to manage your anger alone, don't hesitate to seek support from a mental health professional, support group, or trusted friend or family member. They can offer guidance, perspective, and encouragement as you work towards managing your anger more healthily.

Stay well and never struggle alone.

By Abigail Borquaye @ Healing Wings Support.