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Healing from Shame

June 14, 2024

One of the most potent and devastating forces in the world is the emotion of Shame. Shame is an emotion that will keep you forever shackled to the past. It will prevent you from rising to fulfill your purpose and aspiration. Shame is a complex and intense emotion resulting from a belief of being inadequate, flawed, or unworthy.

Shame is a type of personalised disgrace, humiliation, and degradation of self. It can arise from various sources, such as personal experiences, societal expectations, or cultural norms. Shame is the one that whispers: you are not good enough; who knows or will believe you? You are unqualified and not needed, and nobody will listen to you. Its constant reminder of the past can be crippling.

Also, Shame is connected to how we feel about who we are. Shame makes us fear that we may be exposed, terrified that if we are seen and known for whom we are, we will be humiliated and, even worse, we will be disapproved and abandoned. Shame relates to the loss of respect by others and the extermination of self-respect.

Shame is an identity that people carry, producing misery, discouragement, and emotional pain. Shame can torment you internally through your conscience and externally through condemnation by others. When it moves into your life, it establishes a base of operations. Shame is linked to our self-perception. It makes us afraid of being exposed and humiliated if others discover who we are. We fear disapproval and abandonment if our true selves are known.


Shame can manifest in various forms, such as Social Shame, Body Shame, Sexual Shame, Cultural Shame, Parental Shame, Achievement Shame, Moral Shame, Trauma-Induced Shame, Internalized Shame, and Religious Shame. These are a few ways to deal with the same:


1. Accept the emotions associated with Shame: You cannot effectively deal with Shame by denying or ignoring it. You must boldly admit your Shame and recognise its source. Accept that feeling shame is a natural human emotion. It doesn't define your entire being it's just a part of your experience in that moment. It would help to fearlessly confront Shame before you can act against the opposing force it exerts over your life. Shame makes us fear exposure, terrified that if we are seen and known for whom we are, we will be humiliated. Even worse, we will be rejected and cast aside.  Be clear about what triggers your feelings of Shame and give it a name. This opens an opportunity to address and understand it better.  

2. Act against your shame: Acting against your Shame means you must face to face with everything that produces it. Continue to act against your Shame by refusing to engage in shame-producing conduct. This could mean doing things that Shame doesn't want you to do; you could also start Surrounding yourself with supportive and non-judgmental individuals who uplift you and encourage your growth. These people can provide a safe space for you to be vulnerable and help counteract feelings of Shame. In other words, you can do what Shame says you can’t do. It involves embracing behaviours and attitudes that are the exact opposite of Shame."

3. Calling out the Shame: After acknowledging your Shame and acting against it, you must address your Shame. Confront the issues and root cause of the Shame. Question the validity of your thoughts that lead to Shame. Are they rational? Are they based on facts or assumptions? Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with more realistic and compassionate thoughts. Be clear about what triggers your feelings of Shame and give it a name. This opens up an opportunity to address and understand it better.

4. Discarding the Shame: Dumping your Shame requires courage, compassion, and a willingness to confront and challenge deeply ingrained beliefs and perceptions. You must be willing to live the opposite of the feeling of Shame. Letting Go of Shame: Overcoming feelings of Shame takes bravery, empathy, and a readiness to challenge long-held beliefs and perspectives.

5. Come face to face with it. : It is one thing to know something in your mind, and believing it in your heart is entirely different. It must make the transition from head knowledge to heart knowledge. Remember that you are worthy of love and belonging regardless of perceived shortcomings. It's the shift from mere intellectual awareness to profound emotional acceptance. Always remember that you deserve love and acceptance, no matter what flaws you perceive in yourself.

6. Embrace a new you, a new mind: When you learn to love yourself, you take the power from the hold of Shame that is trying to devalue you. Love produces a light that banishes all Shame. Remind yourself that feeling Shame doesn't make you a wrong person. Having these feelings is okay, and they don't diminish your worth. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. View them as stepping stones rather than as evidence of your worthiness. Be patient and kind to yourself as you work towards embracing self-acceptance and overcoming Shame.

7: Step out in boldness: Stepping out in boldness is all about finding the courage to take risks, being true to yourself, and facing challenges confidently. Don’t allow fear or what you feel people might think of you to stop the new mindset. It's okay to feel uncertain, but remember that being brave means embracing your uniqueness and speaking up for what you believe in. It's important to be kind to yourself and allow your true self to shine, even when it feels challenging believe in your strength to confidently be yourself.

Finally, you must understand that healing from Shame is a process that takes time and effort. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and remain committed to your journey towards self-discovery and self-love. You can reclaim your power and live authentically and unapologetically. Remember that you are worthy of love, belonging, and acceptance, precisely as you are and recognise and rejoice in even the tiniest advancements made while unwaveringly adhering to the journey of self-exploration and nurturing self-affection. Remember that you can regain your inner strength and lead a genuine and unapologetic existence.