1. KNOW YOURSELF WELL:

This is so difficult to admit. Millions of people are living a pseudo-life without knowing their core being. They are balloons tossed to and fro by society, friends, colleagues, and parents. Knowing yourself well means respecting but not attaching to your

 · strengths and weaknesses,

· passions and fears,

· desires and dreams,

· thoughts and feelings ,

· Likes and dislikes,

· tolerances and limitations

In addition, the man or woman must be able to understand and know their self-worth. In our world, today, do not go into a relationship where your values and self-worth are trampled upon by one person or the other. This alone can kill one's purpose, confidence, peace of mind, focus, and driving force in the relationship. It is essential to note that, there are no two ways about your self-value. It is the hallmark of a happy relationship or marriage. It is said that, in the animal kingdom, they respect their jurisdiction and ''pride''.  Even though the Lion is the king of the forest there are things he cannot do. Be cautious, to be in a relationship where the needs of one person are amplified more than the other. Again, knowing your self-worth is a personal thing and it has nothing to do with anyone else. ''We can not think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves first'' - Malcom X.

Self-worth is defined as “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person.” I think that is one part of it, but the other aspect is being able to understand how much of a difference you have made in any given situation with the contribution you have made. Have confidence in your abilities, and be comfortable with who you are - your weight, height, and everything that makes and represents you. Confidently approach a discussion in the marriage or relationship with full belief in your knowledge, skills, and experience and the difference you can make. In any given situation, you have this awareness that you are equal to anyone you interact with husband, wife, colleagues, friends, etc. You are not a supplicant.

 2. IS IT WHAT I EXPECT FROM A RELATIONSHIP?:

Sometimes we are in a relationship for the wrong reasons. Maybe it is because we do not want to be lonely or because all our friends are in a relationship ie peer pressure factors. The shocking one is to please friends to understand we also belong. What a great deception !! Relationships to many look different and have different meanings to so many people in our society today. Is the relationship defined by honesty, dependability, or suspicion is a question to ask.

You love cooking at home -----

· Why do you marry or court a wo/man who is always going to restaurants seven days a week?

· Ask yourself what is the most important thing in your life?

· What is your relationship dream?

· Are you able to have his attention?

· Do they represent what you are looking for in marriage?

In the next ten (10) years does the person represent what you have seen in your marriage module? or what one expects from the marriage? Whatever is your marriage module, please do not marry the opposite, otherwise there will chaos and fighting in the house. We must not forget the fact that nobody is perfect marriage is two imperfect individuals coming together to work with each other.

3. IS IT A CALL FOR A RELATIONSHIP? 

Many people are into comfort relationships without being aware of such an enigma. This type of relationship is seen when a wo/man is bereaved, by means of sicknesses or disease, or unfortunate occurrences such as a breakup or money ( with the mindset, in as much as he is taking care of me it is alright to be with him); having a wo/man one can talk to, fall on that individuals when things go sour. In our 21st century, most people are taking their marriage, relationship like a tea bag, and with this kind of perception, there is a height of degradation in relationships and marriages. Once, the above signs are well considered then one is ready to enjoy his/her marriage.

In case you are looking for a professional to help you in writing your marriage module, you can contact Counsellor Abigail Borquaye to coach, mentor and counsel you in writing your module.

In conclusion, once two different people are in a relationship the number of decisions, they make on their own decreases as their individual decisions overlaps. This is outdated in that all of these decisions must be made in unity, but because nearly every decision you make individually in a relationship has a great impact on the other person there is a need to carefully assess your choices.

In order to maintain the right choice for your relationship, each partner must consider another when making decisions. Whether you are actively making decisions together or considering one another in your own decisions, there are very few that you should make completely on your own. 

Written by: Abigail Borquaye @ Healing wings support.